What's Wrong With Me?

I just can't seem to get anything done lately. I can't even get my s**t together enough to leave the house. I wouldn't say I'm procrastinating exactly, but something like it. I'm not consciously trying to get out of doing thing I need to do, but somehow they aren't getting done. Part of me is thinking of all the things I need to do, another part is trying to prioritize, and yet another is saying, "You don't need to do that right this minute!" So nothing gets done. Nothing. I didn't even take a shower until 4 o'clock this afternoon. And I didn't mop, didn't do any dishes, didn't do any laundry, didn't paint, didn't blog, didn't exercise . . . Didn't anything.

I think in some ways I feel preoccupied. All I can think about is that I have an undiagnosed health condition. If it isn't the cyst on my ovary causing the pain in my abdoment, what is it? What else is wrong with me? What symptoms have I overlooked? Are the symptoms I have related at all, or separate conditions? The hair loss I've been having was diagnosed as a symptom of stress, since my TSH was normal. But is it? Am I still stressed out enough after moving to a new city and getting my medications in order? Or is it now hair loss due to some other condition?

Sometimes it feels like my blood sugar has dropped suddenly and I feel weak and shaky, even dizzy. Yet, if I eat, the feeling is still there. I once had my blood pressure drop while I was getting a blood test done during pregnancy, and it feels sort of like that, but I don't have a way to verify that it's low blood pressure. I did feel faint Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. Then it goes away. The pain in my abdomen, although subtle, is still there. It's obvious when I bend over sometimes, or after the exams I've had when someone was pressing all over my belly and pelvis. It doesn't get worse usually, just persists. So, is it something, or nothing? When is it okay to be concerned, and when do you just tell yourself you're being a hypochondriac and to relax.

I have to be concerned in some ways, mostly because it was my own persistence that got me a hypothyroidism diagnosis. I KNEW something had been wrong with me, but no doctors I saw would ever persue it. They would give me antibiotics or else tell me it's viral and there's nothing that can be done. I told one doctor that I felt like I had been sick an awfully long time and I was worried, and he just told me, "Yeah, sometimes it just hits you all at once." That's another reason it was so tough for me to leave my doctor in San Antonio, since he listened, had great intuition, and always followed through to a diagnosis. He was great. I hope my new doctor won't give up on me.

At the very least, test me until I'm sure there really isn't anything wrong.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit stressed. E has been cranky all afternoon, fussy, crying, and demanding. I guess I was due for it. He had been a real sweetiepie for days in a row this week. Just a picture perfect little boy. Gotta earn those mom wages, though.

Maybe relieving some stress will help with the weight loss I missed out on this week. I've been sticking to the plan and doing my best, but I still haven't been able to find time to exercise. Mostly I'm just imagining it will be like all the times past when E would intervene, literally tackle me to the floor, take my exercise equipment, cry until I was finished or turned of the DVD . . . It's hard to make myself ready to deal with that as well as the exercising itself. Whew . . . I'm stressed out just thinking about it.

Well, wrists and fingers getting tired. I should probably go. Maybe I'll have a warm beverage this evening and cozy up to my husband. Sounds nice.

Later, peeps. Come back again! :)
R