Weird Things About Me

I think it's time I tell you some things about me that might be interesting. This is for entertainment purposes only, not to be used for blackmail or humiliation of any kind.

• I really don't like teddy bears. I must be one of the few people in this category, but I really don't like them very much. The toys, prints, pictures, fabrics, anything with bears. There are exceptions, of course, but as a general rule, I prefer dogs or bunnies.
• Don't like broccoli? Only eat it 'cuz it's healthy? Well, I actually LIKE broccoli! Really! Doesn't even need cheese!
• When I see a lost dog, I will try to catch it and call the number on the tag. I've done this several times already. I even housed a dog while I put up flyers over the neighborhood looking for it's home. So far, only happy endings.
• I don't mean this in any kind of sleazy way, but I sleep in the nude. I can't stand sleeping in clothes, not even socks. It started when I gained weight a few years ago and none of my clothes fit well enough for me to want to sleep in them comfortably. Now I can't sleep dressed unless absolutely necessary.
• I'm not afraid of spiders unless I'm sleeping. I'm not sure why, but I have this fear of spiders crawling on my hand if it touches the wall while I sleep. Not ants, not bugs, not something that has actually crawled on my hand while I slept, but (very specifically) spiders.
• I'm addicted to the Discovery Channel. I thought I broke this habit years ago when we couldn't afford cable, but now that we have it again, I find it more addicting than ever. Deadliest Catch, Mythbusters, It Takes a Thief, and on and on and on.
• I'm the only person in my family who doesn't wear glasses or contacts.
  
• I met my husband on the internet.
• I didn't go to college until I was 25. I was 31 when I got married, 32 when I became a mom, and I'm 35 right now and I have no idea what to do with my life other than what I'm doing right now. I need a goal.

More weird things to follow, I'm sure. But now you know me a little better. I'm sure you're glad. I will write more soon. Oh, and BTW, I know I need another picture of my neighborhood for comparison to my last post, but the batteries died today. I will wait till more are conceived and born to me, then take more pictures to post here. Yada yada.

R

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End of the World

Or at least it looks like it! You probably can't tell, but those aren't clouds in the sky, it's DUST! The horizon is completely obscured . . .

It's only 2:30 in the afternoon! Creepy!


It's gusting up to 35 mph officially, but I think it's more than that. Our rain gutter is flapping--sounds like someone knocking on the door all afternoon! The sun was shining about three hours ago--I'm not sure where it went . . .

Is it just me?

Or do other people out there really enjoy making up new words? I tend to do it a lot, so I guess I must really enjoy it. It's a lot more fun now, too, since my son has developed enough of a vocabulary to know what I'm talking about.

The other day, I was a little goofy, and I tried to tell E about it. I had been doing stupid things, like going over to the dishwasher to get a cup out, then opening the cabinet next to it instead . . . Things like that. Then I'd look in the cabinet wondering why the trash was there and not the dishes . . . So I told E I was a bit goofy. Then I said I would get better, "I'll de-goof-ify," I told him. He started laughing, then I asked him, "Is that a word?"

He actually said, "No," my little 3-year-old, and smiled.

"Oh," I said. Smart boy. Like when I was teaching him shapes and he had learned the octagon. We had associated it with a stop sign, so I was joking and told him it was a "stopagon". He laughed, knowing fully that it was not a "stopagon" at all! I can't fool that boy, even though he's so young.

So, there, you just learned something new about me. Oh, and there's more . . . Much more . . .

:)
R

Ennui

Fancy French word for an indefinable boredom. That's what I've been going through lately. I just don't know how else to describe it or what to do about it. Maybe it's a bipolar thing. Maybe it's a depression thing. Or maybe it's because I've moved away from the people I know and love--except for my son and husband. But it's lonely during the day when my husband is at work.

My sis CJ calls me daily, usually. It's always nice to hear from her, and she lets me know I'm not alone. I feel like I haven't seen her in ages, mostly because we used to see each other 2 or 3 times a week, at least! Talking on the phone just isn't the same. And I've given up on trying to weaken the twin bond, and our twin dependence. We have always been good friends and enjoy each other's company, and heck, that's probably the way it will always be. It's weird living in another city from her, and I'm starting to think it just isn't possible. Maybe she'll be able to move here, or else she'll move somewhere cool where C will want us to follow! Hey, I can hope! :)

I'm working on a post to let people know a few things about me, some of the more unusual details. I'm a strange person, I tell ya. You'll probably find out the next time you read, if you haven't found out already. Maybe I'll teach you a bit about life with the mentally ill. Some strangeness, I assure you. And you'll hear about my favorite things, and my Discovery Channel addiction, pet peeves, all that good stuff.

Later,
R

Good News!

I'm finally feeling better after feeling sick for so long, and I got back from my weekly Weight Watchers meeting with good news! I have now lost just over 11 pounds! WooHoo! I'm working my way toward earning that keychain! :)

This past weekend, my son, hubby and I went to the Greater Tarrant County Auto Show, especially because my son loves cars so much. It was fun, and we got to see a lot of the new models coming up in the new year, sit in some nice cars, and hang out with the in-laws. E got to sit in a real police car, too! I don't think he wanted to get out of it!


















I still have some really exciting vacuuming to do tomorrow, as well as some bathtub cleaning. Tune in tomorrow for all of the riveting details! :)

Laters,
R

Quick Update

Just a quick hello since I've been feeling pretty sick the past couple of days. Sore throat, drippy nose, fatigue, the usual . . .

I had to make a stop at Weight Watchers anyway, just for my weekly weigh-in (I didn't feel well enough to stay for the meeting). I was surprised to learn that I had lost 2.4 pounds! I'm really amazed. It's been about 9.2 pounds of weight loss so far. I'm truly shocked. It's been a long time since I found anything that worked for me. And I ate pizza rolls, chocolate, and cookies during the week. Amazing!

Guess that's it. I'm way too goofy to write much longer, and I have a terrible headache. I was rooting for one of the poodles to win Westminster tonight, but no such luck. Maybe next time.

Later,
R

Ka-Cha!

It's a game C plays with E. I think you can get the concept pretty easily! But there's noting like a toddler grin! Look at those dimples! He begs to do it again and again, long after his dad's back muscles start aching . . .


























He's not really flying as high as it looks in these pictures! I guess it's the angle or something. Look for the grins and hopefully you won't call Child Protective Services . . . I swear, the boy loves that Ka-Cha game . . .

R

TGIS

I tell ya, yesterday I had a terrifying moment where I thought it was Thursday. ACK! C didn't help at all, he told me today would be Friday and let me sulk for a while before he admitted it would be Saturday. I was too tired yesterday to even know what day it was. I had done tons of laundry, washed and folded, picked up toys, made the beds, washed dishes, etc. I was exhausted. The only thing that got me through it all was thinking, "Tomorrow is Saturday, tomorrow is Saturday." When I thought it wasn't, I got really bummed. But obviously today is Saturday after all.

We didn't do much, but we did go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch, where I met a mom of a 3-year-old who was also new to the area. She gave me lots of ideas for places to go with E, even her phone number so we could get together. One of the best ideas, I thought, that she told me about was a preschool craft class at Michael's that's only 2 bucks, including supplies. That's right up my alley, I tell ya. And I'd love to get E interested in art. It's something that he and I could enjoy together. Sounds like fun.

Then we went grocery shopping, came home, and I crashed for a long nap. My dog slept by my side, something that always makes me feel extra cozy, and also makes it extra hard to get up. C finally woke me, and said it was getting late. Then we put some more knobs on our cabinets and ate dinner. Well, sort of. I just ate a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, a Weight Watchers ice cream bar, and a small WW chocolate cake. I guess I just felt like having sweets or something. So that's what I ate. Stuck to my points nonetheless.

Well, as far as events, this weekend was slow. But I've still been feeling like I want something, but I don't know what it is. I also feel like something is wrong that hasn't been diagnosed. Two feelings that have been leaving me feeling distracted and preoccupied. Perhaps I'll go to my doctor before my next appointment, just for some peace of mind. I don't know if I can take it much longer, knowing there is a diagnosis to be made . . . I guess. I guess something is wrong. I don't know. But I feel like I know for sure that there is something. Doctors always make me feel like a hypochondriac or a worrier, which drives me nuts. I've been right before, when they've all been wrong. I guess I'm not looking forward to the possibility of an all-out battle over my health care. I've been there, and it took a lot out of me physically and mentally. I formed a lot of my opinions about doctors and the medical community during that ordeal. I'm sure a lot of people out there know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, guess I'll go take my meds and do some reading or something. Try to relax. Take care, all, and I'll be back soon for more mindless babbling.

Laters,
R

What's Wrong With Me?

I just can't seem to get anything done lately. I can't even get my s**t together enough to leave the house. I wouldn't say I'm procrastinating exactly, but something like it. I'm not consciously trying to get out of doing thing I need to do, but somehow they aren't getting done. Part of me is thinking of all the things I need to do, another part is trying to prioritize, and yet another is saying, "You don't need to do that right this minute!" So nothing gets done. Nothing. I didn't even take a shower until 4 o'clock this afternoon. And I didn't mop, didn't do any dishes, didn't do any laundry, didn't paint, didn't blog, didn't exercise . . . Didn't anything.

I think in some ways I feel preoccupied. All I can think about is that I have an undiagnosed health condition. If it isn't the cyst on my ovary causing the pain in my abdoment, what is it? What else is wrong with me? What symptoms have I overlooked? Are the symptoms I have related at all, or separate conditions? The hair loss I've been having was diagnosed as a symptom of stress, since my TSH was normal. But is it? Am I still stressed out enough after moving to a new city and getting my medications in order? Or is it now hair loss due to some other condition?

Sometimes it feels like my blood sugar has dropped suddenly and I feel weak and shaky, even dizzy. Yet, if I eat, the feeling is still there. I once had my blood pressure drop while I was getting a blood test done during pregnancy, and it feels sort of like that, but I don't have a way to verify that it's low blood pressure. I did feel faint Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. Then it goes away. The pain in my abdomen, although subtle, is still there. It's obvious when I bend over sometimes, or after the exams I've had when someone was pressing all over my belly and pelvis. It doesn't get worse usually, just persists. So, is it something, or nothing? When is it okay to be concerned, and when do you just tell yourself you're being a hypochondriac and to relax.

I have to be concerned in some ways, mostly because it was my own persistence that got me a hypothyroidism diagnosis. I KNEW something had been wrong with me, but no doctors I saw would ever persue it. They would give me antibiotics or else tell me it's viral and there's nothing that can be done. I told one doctor that I felt like I had been sick an awfully long time and I was worried, and he just told me, "Yeah, sometimes it just hits you all at once." That's another reason it was so tough for me to leave my doctor in San Antonio, since he listened, had great intuition, and always followed through to a diagnosis. He was great. I hope my new doctor won't give up on me.

At the very least, test me until I'm sure there really isn't anything wrong.

Anyway, I am feeling a bit stressed. E has been cranky all afternoon, fussy, crying, and demanding. I guess I was due for it. He had been a real sweetiepie for days in a row this week. Just a picture perfect little boy. Gotta earn those mom wages, though.

Maybe relieving some stress will help with the weight loss I missed out on this week. I've been sticking to the plan and doing my best, but I still haven't been able to find time to exercise. Mostly I'm just imagining it will be like all the times past when E would intervene, literally tackle me to the floor, take my exercise equipment, cry until I was finished or turned of the DVD . . . It's hard to make myself ready to deal with that as well as the exercising itself. Whew . . . I'm stressed out just thinking about it.

Well, wrists and fingers getting tired. I should probably go. Maybe I'll have a warm beverage this evening and cozy up to my husband. Sounds nice.

Later, peeps. Come back again! :)
R

Good Meeting

If you know anything about bipolar disorder or depression, you might know that the medications needed to balance out brain chemistry in this way also cause weight gain. So, I also have difficulty losing weight, even if I do everything right.

This was the case last night at my Weight Watchers meeting. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose. I know I did everything right, increased my activity, ate right, counted my points . . . But there was no change in my weight. It's very frustrating, and it's a place I've been far too many times in the past. I know that probably the only thing I did wrong was to expect something. In spite of that dissappointing news, I had a good meeting. The group leader talked to a few people who had experience weight gains while following the program conscientiously, as well as some people who had faced weight loss plateaus before. A few people had gone through what I went through, very similarly, although I'm not sure they faced plateaus at only week 3. But there were other people with thyroid problems and a lady who just found out she had diabetes. They all said going to the meetings will help, and I'm hoping that will be the case for me. It's the one thing I haven't tried, having help with my weight loss. I've always gone alone, done the diet thing by myself, and always given up. It's hard to stay motivated when you see no results. I'm still worried about it, but as one of the women put it last night, "If you give up, you know nothing good will happen." So, I'm sticking with it.

I've been feeling light-headed and dizzy lately, too. I'm not sure what's going on there. I don't trust myself driving. I hope it's nothing serious. Since the doctor thought my ovarian cyst was not the cause of my abdominal pain, I'm not sure what the problem really is, and that makes me nervous. I may be scheduling an earlier appointment to see my general practitioner than I had originally planned. Such is my life now, doctor to doctor to doctor trying to keep everything in balance and order. It's hard knowing that without modern medicine, I doubt that I would even be ALIVE. I feel weak sometimes, although I know it's through no fault of my own that my body has these malfunctions.

Anyway, that's enough self-pity for one day. Time to play with my son and have a belated breakfast. My thyroid hormones prohibit me from having breakfast at a normal time some days, especially if I take them later than planned. So if I want dairy, I have to wait 2 or 3 hours after taking the pills to eat.

Guess I'll write more later, as soon as I get a chance. I mean to post some pictures on here, too, but I just haven't decided what to do here yet. It's like a second chance to get this blog the way I want it to be, so I want to take advantage of it.

Take care, folks, and I'll blog ya later.

R

Belated 24 Post

Yeah, I love 24. It's one of my favorite tv shows and I try not to miss it, even though at times plots are recycled and there are bouts of idiocy. It's still a fun show to watch, even interact with in my living room.

Now and then, there are implausible scenarios, even in the world of tv. Such as, no way in the world would a real counter-terrorist organization allow a person to interrogate their own sibling. Unlikely. Very unlikely. And my hubby and I know by now that "interrogation" kit really means "torture" kit. Kind of funny in a fictional kind of way. Anytime someone needs information, hubby and I start shouting, "Torture him!" from our sofa. But it makes for good drama.

And the double-crossing begins. I guess, for your own sake, if you haven't watched and I start posting about 24, you might want to read later to avoid spoilers. If you don't care, go ahead and read. Or whatever.

Ugh. I guess I'd better try to slip in a nap before my Weight Watchers meeting. I should always take advantage of those moments when my toddler is actually asleep.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Might be that the air is dryer in this part of the state. (Texas) My sinuses are unhappy. But I need a nap, so I'm gonna take advantage of this rare opportunity.

Laters again,
R

Salad Tongs

Today was my appointment to see my new gynecologist. It's never really fun. It's like having salad tongs shoved up your hoo-hoo.

This guy was really friendly and talkative, and he was telling me stories about his kids, gesticulating as he examined my nethers . . . It was kinda weird. He seemed nice, funny, compassionate.

Is it odd that he gave a new patient a hug at the end of the appointment?

Seems odd to me. I'm often mistaken for being younger than I am, mostly because I'm short. You'd be surprised how people treat you when you're short. My sis, CJ, once had someone pat her on the head until she told him she was 27. But the doc saw my chart and must have known I was 35. Maybe it's the short thing. Maybe I'm just making a mountain . . .

Anyway, then I made the trek over to Wal-Mart for groceries and to buy Mister E a new toy (I promised him some shopping money, and he was well-behaved through my doc appointment). Anyone from San Antonio knows how much I miss my HEB stores, but Wal-Mart is probably the best option here in Fort Worth. It was crowded and hectic, especially as it got later in the afternoon and people got off work, and we were still there trying to finish our shopping. I can't even tell you how hard it was just to buy breakfast cereal. And the produce? Forget about it!

But E found a toy and we got our shopping done--my feet are aching! And I found out that I can have Pizza Rolls on Weight Watchers (10 points for a dozen!) so I had those for dinner. I've lost 6 pounds so far, and my weigh-in is tomorrow evening. I've really been trying hard to follow the plan, and it's by far the easiest I've encountered in my life thus far, and I faced some challenges this past week. For one thing, I had to face pizza Sunday afternoon, and I didn't want to use any Flex Points and I didn't want to blow my diet. I had already eaten. Then yummy smelling pizza was thrust in my face! How cruel to do that to someone, especially when they know I'm dieting! But I resisted. I really did. I waited until I got home to eat dinner. It was really hard, but I did it. I'm proud of myself.

It's only Monday.

Laters,
R

Welcome to the Experiment

I've decided to move from MSN Spaces to Blogger, mainly to get my domain name, and also to find some more flexibility with my blog.

A little about me:

I'm bipolar, a mother of a toddler, wife, and homemaker. I'm home a lot, responsible for the life and well-being of a child, and yet I feel many times like I need a caretaker myself. There are days when it's hard to get out of bed, hard to move, hard to function. So I struggle sometimes.

I've recently moved from the city where I grew up to another about 5 hours away. My family still lives there, including my mother, father, 2 sisters, and brother-in-law. Life can get dull when you don't have friends or contacts in a new city, and often I get lonely or depressed. Recently I've joined Weight Watchers to try to make some headway in losing the weight I've gained with my medications, thyroid deficiency, and my recently diagnosed ovarian cyst. All can lead to weight gain. Going to the meetings give me some sense of a social life, and I get to meet people. I like going, especially since I've been losing weight.

What else can I say? Just that I should be in bed instead of typing here. Insomnia is another one of those bipolar symptoms I've become so accustomed to. I'll try to give some insights into bipolar disorder when I get a chance, and how I manage to deal with my life in spite of those difficulties. It is not my intention to whine or expect sympathy, just to let people understand what it's like to be bipolar. Maybe you know someone who is bipolar, or who you think might be. Maybe reading about bipolar disorder will help you understand what that person is going through. Maybe you'll learn ways in which you can help.

There are days when I have much more of a sense of humor than I do tonight, but that's probably because I'm sleepy. Why am I not in bed? I don't know, really. I got up to take notes for my doctor's appointment (I try to record concerns and questions for my doctor before I go) and then I started to surf the net. Why do I do that? I know I'll always end up on my computer longer than I think I will be. But I never seem to learn that lesson. At least I'm not poking around on eBay. That can get dangerous.

Guess I'll go nighty-night, now that it's early morning. Catch ya later. Ta.

R