Those. BASTARDS.

Which bastards, you might ask? The ones at Fox, the ones involved in any way with the show "24". Those are the bastards. They're bastards for making me believe that the new season of 24 had begun, that new episodes were a week away, following the "premiere" of the 24 "movie". But no, I was a fool, mislead--nay, deluded--to believe my regular Jack fix was coming. Not so. New episodes in one week? Two? Three? Okay, maybe December? NO! I have to wait until the middle of friggin' January!

AAAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

But I guess lots of people have been waiting. Now we continue to wait. Ah. If only there was something to keep me occupied in the meantime. Well, there are new episodes of "Storm Chasers" on Discovery channel for a while. That's pretty cool. And new episodes of "Mythbusters." What else? There isn't much TV that we watch while it airs. Most of it we rent on DVD later, like "Deadwood", "Big Love", even "The Office" and "Prison Break." It's just easier to watch TV on our own time. And then we don't have to worry about missing episodes or filling up the DVR.

>>>>>>>>>>>


On another note, E's birthday party went off well, even though I stressed over it like you wouldn't believe. I guess I felt extra pressure since his last birthday ended early when the pizza place was evacuated when the place filled with smoke and the fire department arrived. Not the birthday we planned.

This one was horribly last minute. Really. I went shopping for party supplies about 8:30 pm the night before the party, getting home after 11:00. And I was literally finishing the cake as guests were arriving! E had a sore throat the day before, so we weren't sure if we should cancel. But that would be disappointing, too. So we went full steam ahead and had a party. He had missed some earlier parties, too, so he really wanted to have his. About 7 or 8 kids showed up, and my friend G and her husband. It was fun, even though it didn't go as planned. The games and bowling we planned went by the wayside as kids swarmed my son's bedroom and played with my husband. Parents started by watching their kids carefully, but then settled on the sofa for conversation. It ended up being more of a playdate with cake, but it was low-stress for everyone. And E had a good time. And a lot of the kids left quite reluctantly, so I guess they had fun, too. And parents got some time off, thanks to my husband. He probably expected to be relieved by me at one point, but I wasn't walking into that tornado. He was great, though, and the kids liked playing with him. He's really good with kids, in spite of having no real father for a role model. I love him so much.

Stuff is still going wrong. One new thing after another. Our ceiling is now dripping water from something upstairs in the master bath, we still haven't rented our place, and we really don't want to have to move to a smaller apartment. It just makes it harder. We have a new place ready to go, still nice, but smaller. Not quite as nice as this place, but new and close to E's school. No more rooftop patio and views of the mountains. I'll miss that. Small kitchen. Only 2 bedrooms and 1 1/2 baths. Still, we need to save the money, and we really need to find new tenants for this place we can no longer afford. Hubby C might have renegged his pay, so hopefully there won't be such a strain to afford health insurance. We'll see what they say.

I hate stressing over money, especially at the holidays. It's really depressing. But we're going to do our best to make it fun for E anyway, even though he misses Texas a lot. He probably misses the financial security we had there. And we owned a home. I hated being in the middle of nowhere with nothing but scrubby dead-looking grass around. No trees. Just sick cattle and tornadoes. Bleh. I speak of north Texas, of course, and not south and central Texas, which I love.


OK, I guess I'll head off to get some work done. As soon as I get some new batteries for my camera I can post birthday pics of E! You know how I love my boy!

Cheers,
R

Long time, no see . . .

OK, I admit it. I'm a bad blogger. Bad bad bad. But life has been particularly consuming lately, especially in the past month or so. Yeah, I've been suffering through the depression thing, but what's new, really? That part never changes, probably never will. It's okay, I guess, I'll just keep working on it, it's all I can do. But what's particularly different is everything else.

I mentioned the move from Texas to the Los Angeles area, mentioned that I was still feeling blah in spite of new treatment options. The medications are still being tinkered with. Overall, I think I like living here, although there are things I hate. I think living in Burbank has helped that a bit, since people here seem more family-friendly and less shallow. I prefer that, honestly. Some people might even say it's more BORING in Burbank, but I don't care. I'm not a "night life" person anyway. I just shop, go out to eat, take my son to the park, that kind of thing.

The worst happenings lately have been that E got ill, seriously ill. He had the incredulous diagnosis of "scarlet fever"! I kid you not. I was shocked, even doubtful. But after reading about it, it makes sense. His fever just wouldn't go away, and he did have the redness I've read about. He got better, but it took 2 weeks for him to return to school. The sore throat was the part that lasted longest. Then the DAY he gets the diagnosis, my husband comes home with bad news.

C: I had an interesting day, too.
BH: Oh, really? What happened?
(no pause)
C: I got laid off today.
BH: That's not funny. You'd better be kidding.
C: I wish I was kidding.

So the drama continued. Now we can't afford our apartment, time to move to a smaller, cheaper place. Cutting back on expenses. Still trying to figure out how to pay for health insurance. No more plans to visit family in Texas for the holidays.

I am more angry than anything, that C's boss would relocate us out here, then give him almost no notice (4 days?) to find a new job. I mean, we thought we did the right thing. C turned down a job with much higher pay to take a "permanent" staff position with benefits. We thought we were doing the right thing, as a family with a young child, by picking the job that seemed the most stable. How could we have been so wrong? I mean, DID we do something wrong? Blame it on the economy, but we still wanted to keep ourselves out of this situation as much as possible. We tried to be smart. We tried . . .

Eh, I'm tired of thinking about it. Now I have to plan my son's birthday party, which will be nothing like the (still small-scale, but) bigger party we promised him. And we're frantically trying to find tenants to take over our lease so we can move, much as we don't want to. C's looking for work, I'm hoping to find a job, somehow. It won't be fun working on weekends, not seeing my husband. My parents got divorced that way. Don't know what else to do, though. We just have to survive now.

If you haven't just been brought down big time by this post, save yourself and find another blog quickly, one with lots of pretty pictures and maybe some baby bunnies. Hopefully we'll be doing okay, the new place won't smell like dead raccoons or have remnants of police-line tape stuck to the door. Good luck to all of us.

R

Wazzup?!

Hey, peeps, out there in the world somewhere . . .

I've been gone for some time now, mostly because I really felt confused over what I could safely write about. Allow me to explain, as briefly as I can. My husband works in television, and although there are dozens of stations around the country and my blog is so seldom read, the community is actually very small. It wouldn't take much for someone to put pieces together and determine his identity. So, when the biggest news in my life has to do with clandestine job interviews, a possible interstate move, secret freelance work for competing networks, there isn't much I can blog about. I could easily get him in trouble at work, sabotage his work relationships, and other consequences I haven't even considered. While I think the risk is small, my husband isn't comfortable with my big mouth and the internet, and when his job and our livelihood are at stake, I suppose I can understand that.

So, as life became more stressful, I became more and more withdrawn. With my family hundreds of miles away in San Antonio, there weren't people I could easily confide in. That's where my blog would fill in the gap, or the playgroups my son and I have joined, but since I couldn't blog and I felt like an alien among the moms in the playgroups here, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to. No one could help. So I went to therapy. My medications were tinkered with. But to no avail. I've just been bummed and stressed. 'Nuff said.

The biggest news of all is that I will finally be getting out of this place, this tiny backwater of a town, this ultra-Conservative haven, this boring contradiction to the word "wonderland" I call Fort Worth-less. I really haven't liked it here. I do NOT like living in Fort Worth. True, you can live well here on less income. But when all there is to do here is eat mediocre food at mediocre restaurants, go to bars and listen to country & western music, and possibly attend a NASCAR event, I get BORED! Yes, BORED with all capital letters! I visited my family after my husband left, and slept happily (if awkwardly) on the floor of my mom's tiny apartment in San Antonio, ate great food, tried new things, and introduced my son to some of the fun places in the town where I grew up.

So, where are we moving? It seems strange to me in some ways, and not in others. Since he's in television, my husband got a job in Los Angeles! I'm excited to be leaving Fort Worth, but nervous about the impending culture-shock of moving to California. There are mostly stereotypes I'm worried about, which I know a person can't and shouldn't rely on. But the snobbiness, the self-importance of Angelenos, the flakiness, the smog, the congestion and traffic, the rudeness . . . Those are the things I am nervous about. I don't normally fit in among materialistic or conceited people. I hope it's only a stereotype and not a truth. We'll see, I suppose. So neither I nor those in my family are thrilled over Los Angeles as our future home, but it has seemed inevitable for some time now. In television, you end up in Los Angeles or New York eventually, if you want to reach higher points in your career. You can find exceptions to that rule, but not often.

It's strange, but visiting there a long time ago, in my early 20s, I didn't really like it much. I was only there for a short time. But driving was frightening, people were rude, and it seemed dirty. I didn't like it. But I remember saying to my sister that I thought I would end up coming back there someday. Who knows? Maybe I foresaw this part of my life. It's weird that I would have a premonition like that about I place I didn't even enjoy vacationing, but I did.

My hubby C is already there, been working for about a month now. Our house now has an offer on it and we're looking for apartments or houses we can rent reasonably for all three of us and our little dog. Hopefully we'll be together by the middle of April. In the meantime, I'm wearing a path in the asphalt between here and San Antonio, taking care of my son more like a single mom, and gaining weight on my newly discovered love of gelato, and hibernating in my home dry from all of the wet weather, putting minutes on my stupid pay-as-you-go phone . . . But hopefully it's all for a good cause, a better future for our family, better pay even with the higher cost of living, and opportunities galore. Maybe I'll finally get an iPhone! :)

Well, I'll have to post more later. I've typed a novel already. Should anyone know to read this, I'll write more about it later. Should be interesting to see how a Texan makes it in the urban jungle of Los Angeles. Culture shock. Yeah.

Take care, all, and I'll blog ya later!
R