Pretty much, the major item weighing on my mind is just how much I really HATE living in Fort Worth! That, and I've had some issues with my wrist, something resembling carpal tunnel, although I admit I've had no confirmed diagnosis. Therefore I haven't been typing much. I probably shouldn't be doing it now, but guilt over my lack of blogging has gotten the better of me.
So what's so terrible about Fort Worth? Maybe nothing, really. I guess it just doesn't feel like home, and I feel like a fish out of water. It's ultra-conservative, rural, and overwhelmingly centered on white American culture. If that makes you feel at home, this might be a place for you. But it isn't for me. I prefer a more multicultural feel, and more artistic and outdoor activities. Maybe more freedom of thought . . . Just a lot of things, I suppose.
We did have a good time in San Antonio on our last trip. We went downtown to Market Square and El Mercado, had a blast shopping and sightseeing, then we went to Mi Tierra for lunch and pastries. Then we went to the Riverwalk, hiked up and down both sides, took a river cruise and tour, saw the sun set, and watched San Antonio light up for the evening. It was great. Ethan had a great time, too. He got a tiny guitar (not plastic or a toy) and a tambourine, and I got some silver and turquoise jewelry made by hand in Peru. Fun.
I saw my dad on Saturday, shopped at La Cantera and let Ethan play, and we bought him his first Build-a-Bear Workshop toy, a cat with a Spurs jersey. It's really adorable, and he treated it like a friend all night. Just precious! La Cantera at night is really beautiful as well, and we enjoyed just talking and window-shopping. I will remember that for a long time. How I will miss Saturdays with my dad. I can't wait for him to visit.
Ethan didn't want to leave, and that made it hard for me. But we needed to leave since we have business here in Fort Worth, and I had some Ebay auctions ending. C'est la vie. :(
The drive was easy and uneventful. I have two signs that are favorites of mine. The first is a billboard that asks, in large type:
Got Dirty Birds?
Then says:
We have birdbaths!
The other is a street sign for a road called "Bugtussle". I just love trying to picture that! It cracks me up! Bugtussle. Yeah.
OK, that's about it. I'd better protect my wrists.
Nighty-night!
R
Showing posts with label San Antonio. Show all posts
Showing posts with label San Antonio. Show all posts
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Wazzup?!
Hey, peeps, out there in the world somewhere . . .
I've been gone for some time now, mostly because I really felt confused over what I could safely write about. Allow me to explain, as briefly as I can. My husband works in television, and although there are dozens of stations around the country and my blog is so seldom read, the community is actually very small. It wouldn't take much for someone to put pieces together and determine his identity. So, when the biggest news in my life has to do with clandestine job interviews, a possible interstate move, secret freelance work for competing networks, there isn't much I can blog about. I could easily get him in trouble at work, sabotage his work relationships, and other consequences I haven't even considered. While I think the risk is small, my husband isn't comfortable with my big mouth and the internet, and when his job and our livelihood are at stake, I suppose I can understand that.
So, as life became more stressful, I became more and more withdrawn. With my family hundreds of miles away in San Antonio, there weren't people I could easily confide in. That's where my blog would fill in the gap, or the playgroups my son and I have joined, but since I couldn't blog and I felt like an alien among the moms in the playgroups here, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to. No one could help. So I went to therapy. My medications were tinkered with. But to no avail. I've just been bummed and stressed. 'Nuff said.
The biggest news of all is that I will finally be getting out of this place, this tiny backwater of a town, this ultra-Conservative haven, this boring contradiction to the word "wonderland" I call Fort Worth-less. I really haven't liked it here. I do NOT like living in Fort Worth. True, you can live well here on less income. But when all there is to do here is eat mediocre food at mediocre restaurants, go to bars and listen to country & western music, and possibly attend a NASCAR event, I get BORED! Yes, BORED with all capital letters! I visited my family after my husband left, and slept happily (if awkwardly) on the floor of my mom's tiny apartment in San Antonio, ate great food, tried new things, and introduced my son to some of the fun places in the town where I grew up.
So, where are we moving? It seems strange to me in some ways, and not in others. Since he's in television, my husband got a job in Los Angeles! I'm excited to be leaving Fort Worth, but nervous about the impending culture-shock of moving to California. There are mostly stereotypes I'm worried about, which I know a person can't and shouldn't rely on. But the snobbiness, the self-importance of Angelenos, the flakiness, the smog, the congestion and traffic, the rudeness . . . Those are the things I am nervous about. I don't normally fit in among materialistic or conceited people. I hope it's only a stereotype and not a truth. We'll see, I suppose. So neither I nor those in my family are thrilled over Los Angeles as our future home, but it has seemed inevitable for some time now. In television, you end up in Los Angeles or New York eventually, if you want to reach higher points in your career. You can find exceptions to that rule, but not often.
It's strange, but visiting there a long time ago, in my early 20s, I didn't really like it much. I was only there for a short time. But driving was frightening, people were rude, and it seemed dirty. I didn't like it. But I remember saying to my sister that I thought I would end up coming back there someday. Who knows? Maybe I foresaw this part of my life. It's weird that I would have a premonition like that about I place I didn't even enjoy vacationing, but I did.
My hubby C is already there, been working for about a month now. Our house now has an offer on it and we're looking for apartments or houses we can rent reasonably for all three of us and our little dog. Hopefully we'll be together by the middle of April. In the meantime, I'm wearing a path in the asphalt between here and San Antonio, taking care of my son more like a single mom, and gaining weight on my newly discovered love of gelato, and hibernating in my home dry from all of the wet weather, putting minutes on my stupid pay-as-you-go phone . . . But hopefully it's all for a good cause, a better future for our family, better pay even with the higher cost of living, and opportunities galore. Maybe I'll finally get an iPhone! :)
Well, I'll have to post more later. I've typed a novel already. Should anyone know to read this, I'll write more about it later. Should be interesting to see how a Texan makes it in the urban jungle of Los Angeles. Culture shock. Yeah.
Take care, all, and I'll blog ya later!
R
I've been gone for some time now, mostly because I really felt confused over what I could safely write about. Allow me to explain, as briefly as I can. My husband works in television, and although there are dozens of stations around the country and my blog is so seldom read, the community is actually very small. It wouldn't take much for someone to put pieces together and determine his identity. So, when the biggest news in my life has to do with clandestine job interviews, a possible interstate move, secret freelance work for competing networks, there isn't much I can blog about. I could easily get him in trouble at work, sabotage his work relationships, and other consequences I haven't even considered. While I think the risk is small, my husband isn't comfortable with my big mouth and the internet, and when his job and our livelihood are at stake, I suppose I can understand that.
So, as life became more stressful, I became more and more withdrawn. With my family hundreds of miles away in San Antonio, there weren't people I could easily confide in. That's where my blog would fill in the gap, or the playgroups my son and I have joined, but since I couldn't blog and I felt like an alien among the moms in the playgroups here, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to. No one could help. So I went to therapy. My medications were tinkered with. But to no avail. I've just been bummed and stressed. 'Nuff said.
The biggest news of all is that I will finally be getting out of this place, this tiny backwater of a town, this ultra-Conservative haven, this boring contradiction to the word "wonderland" I call Fort Worth-less. I really haven't liked it here. I do NOT like living in Fort Worth. True, you can live well here on less income. But when all there is to do here is eat mediocre food at mediocre restaurants, go to bars and listen to country & western music, and possibly attend a NASCAR event, I get BORED! Yes, BORED with all capital letters! I visited my family after my husband left, and slept happily (if awkwardly) on the floor of my mom's tiny apartment in San Antonio, ate great food, tried new things, and introduced my son to some of the fun places in the town where I grew up.
So, where are we moving? It seems strange to me in some ways, and not in others. Since he's in television, my husband got a job in Los Angeles! I'm excited to be leaving Fort Worth, but nervous about the impending culture-shock of moving to California. There are mostly stereotypes I'm worried about, which I know a person can't and shouldn't rely on. But the snobbiness, the self-importance of Angelenos, the flakiness, the smog, the congestion and traffic, the rudeness . . . Those are the things I am nervous about. I don't normally fit in among materialistic or conceited people. I hope it's only a stereotype and not a truth. We'll see, I suppose. So neither I nor those in my family are thrilled over Los Angeles as our future home, but it has seemed inevitable for some time now. In television, you end up in Los Angeles or New York eventually, if you want to reach higher points in your career. You can find exceptions to that rule, but not often.
It's strange, but visiting there a long time ago, in my early 20s, I didn't really like it much. I was only there for a short time. But driving was frightening, people were rude, and it seemed dirty. I didn't like it. But I remember saying to my sister that I thought I would end up coming back there someday. Who knows? Maybe I foresaw this part of my life. It's weird that I would have a premonition like that about I place I didn't even enjoy vacationing, but I did.
My hubby C is already there, been working for about a month now. Our house now has an offer on it and we're looking for apartments or houses we can rent reasonably for all three of us and our little dog. Hopefully we'll be together by the middle of April. In the meantime, I'm wearing a path in the asphalt between here and San Antonio, taking care of my son more like a single mom, and gaining weight on my newly discovered love of gelato, and hibernating in my home dry from all of the wet weather, putting minutes on my stupid pay-as-you-go phone . . . But hopefully it's all for a good cause, a better future for our family, better pay even with the higher cost of living, and opportunities galore. Maybe I'll finally get an iPhone! :)
Well, I'll have to post more later. I've typed a novel already. Should anyone know to read this, I'll write more about it later. Should be interesting to see how a Texan makes it in the urban jungle of Los Angeles. Culture shock. Yeah.
Take care, all, and I'll blog ya later!
R
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Bummer.
I just found out that the sugar-free caramel syrup I was so excited about at Starbucks is only one of those flavor syrups and not caramel syrup after all. I guess it wouldn't really make a caramel machiatto after all. :( But at least the vanilla can be sugar-free, I guess. And the creme base has a lighter version. Still good news, but not as good as I had thought.
And I apologize for my delay in blogging. Just for whatever reason I have been staying away. I've been trying to nurture my creativity and my energy, and working on those kind of endeavors, I suppose. I've even been cooking! I made a fantastic healthy version of taco meat yesterday, and some delicious chalupa shells, all low in fat and in Weight Watchers points. I will have to post the recipe as soon as I figure out the amounts of everything. I'm one of those people who doesn't measure when they cook, which can be annoying when I try to pass on recipes. I choose to "intuit" when I cook, I guess. But it turns out well, usually. I'm very pleased with the tacos from last night. If I ever had to move farther away from San Antonio and Texas, I think I would feel much more reassured if I can take some of my comfort foods with me, and even better if I can find healthier versions of them. Happy me.
I think I was also trying to avoid posting about my visit. I had a great time, and I got to visit with more of my missed family and friends than I thought I would be able to. But I also became worried about CJ. She was sick while I was home, and it's hard to watch her struggle to find a job and to get her life together. I worry quite a bit about her, even though I think I have enough of my own problems to worry me. I guess that's what it's like to have family, I don't know. She sounded in very good spirits when I talked to her today, though. That's good. She has a lot of positive qualities that I think she can overlook, and that gets her down. And she still has work to do getting her life back from depression. It can feel pretty daunting when the road ahead seems so long. If she can hang in there and find her strength, I think she can have a rewarding life. I hope she will not give up. (CJ: Listen to that Finn Brothers CD some more!)
But I also got to reconnect with my mother for the first time in a long time. For a while I think we had been drifting apart. But we got to talk for quite a while. It was really worth it for me. I enjoyed it. And H and I had a good time just at Starbucks and shopping at Wal-Mart. But it was too short, as usual.
I managed to avoid telling my dad that I was coming, mostly to see if I could surprise him. I thought it would be fun. Turns out, my grandmother was coming to lunch as well, and she didn't know I was coming down, either! So I got to surprise 2 people! My dad seemed very shocked to see me, and my grandmother was so sweet and she hugged me a lot. It was nice. And we had good food. I even had self-control in the face of Tex-Mex, a huge accomplishment for me! I only ate 3 tortilla chips and 1 flour tortilla, and I had two yummy cheese enchiladas topped with chile con carne, some of the tastiest Mexican rice, and refried beans that remind me of homemade. It was an awesome lunch. And we had coffee, too. I made three trips to the same Starbucks in one day! First with CJ in the morning, with Dad and grandma in the afternoon, and with H in the evening.
Sunday I chatted with mom some more, and took CJ to an emergency clinic. It turned out to be very expensive since she doesn't have insurance, and they did tests and ran an IV. She had the stomach flu and needed to be hydrated. I'm sure her immune system was weak from having it once before so recently, but she was (and probably still is) pretty worried about it. I guess I understand. My own health can cause me quite a bit of concern. But she's fine, I'm sure. And then I had to drive home, tired from lack of sleep, and shaking from caffeine overdose. But it was an okay drive. Ben had some car sickness on the way down, so he had a children's dose of Bonine (like Dramamine, but with a more stupid name) and he didn't throw up again.
Well, that's about it. I guess I will wash up and get ready for bed. Sunday is grocery day, and C tries to get some "off" time. So it will be just "me and the E" tomorrow.
Night-night for now, and I'll do my best to blog ya later.
R
And I apologize for my delay in blogging. Just for whatever reason I have been staying away. I've been trying to nurture my creativity and my energy, and working on those kind of endeavors, I suppose. I've even been cooking! I made a fantastic healthy version of taco meat yesterday, and some delicious chalupa shells, all low in fat and in Weight Watchers points. I will have to post the recipe as soon as I figure out the amounts of everything. I'm one of those people who doesn't measure when they cook, which can be annoying when I try to pass on recipes. I choose to "intuit" when I cook, I guess. But it turns out well, usually. I'm very pleased with the tacos from last night. If I ever had to move farther away from San Antonio and Texas, I think I would feel much more reassured if I can take some of my comfort foods with me, and even better if I can find healthier versions of them. Happy me.
I think I was also trying to avoid posting about my visit. I had a great time, and I got to visit with more of my missed family and friends than I thought I would be able to. But I also became worried about CJ. She was sick while I was home, and it's hard to watch her struggle to find a job and to get her life together. I worry quite a bit about her, even though I think I have enough of my own problems to worry me. I guess that's what it's like to have family, I don't know. She sounded in very good spirits when I talked to her today, though. That's good. She has a lot of positive qualities that I think she can overlook, and that gets her down. And she still has work to do getting her life back from depression. It can feel pretty daunting when the road ahead seems so long. If she can hang in there and find her strength, I think she can have a rewarding life. I hope she will not give up. (CJ: Listen to that Finn Brothers CD some more!)
But I also got to reconnect with my mother for the first time in a long time. For a while I think we had been drifting apart. But we got to talk for quite a while. It was really worth it for me. I enjoyed it. And H and I had a good time just at Starbucks and shopping at Wal-Mart. But it was too short, as usual.
I managed to avoid telling my dad that I was coming, mostly to see if I could surprise him. I thought it would be fun. Turns out, my grandmother was coming to lunch as well, and she didn't know I was coming down, either! So I got to surprise 2 people! My dad seemed very shocked to see me, and my grandmother was so sweet and she hugged me a lot. It was nice. And we had good food. I even had self-control in the face of Tex-Mex, a huge accomplishment for me! I only ate 3 tortilla chips and 1 flour tortilla, and I had two yummy cheese enchiladas topped with chile con carne, some of the tastiest Mexican rice, and refried beans that remind me of homemade. It was an awesome lunch. And we had coffee, too. I made three trips to the same Starbucks in one day! First with CJ in the morning, with Dad and grandma in the afternoon, and with H in the evening.
Sunday I chatted with mom some more, and took CJ to an emergency clinic. It turned out to be very expensive since she doesn't have insurance, and they did tests and ran an IV. She had the stomach flu and needed to be hydrated. I'm sure her immune system was weak from having it once before so recently, but she was (and probably still is) pretty worried about it. I guess I understand. My own health can cause me quite a bit of concern. But she's fine, I'm sure. And then I had to drive home, tired from lack of sleep, and shaking from caffeine overdose. But it was an okay drive. Ben had some car sickness on the way down, so he had a children's dose of Bonine (like Dramamine, but with a more stupid name) and he didn't throw up again.
Well, that's about it. I guess I will wash up and get ready for bed. Sunday is grocery day, and C tries to get some "off" time. So it will be just "me and the E" tomorrow.
Night-night for now, and I'll do my best to blog ya later.
R
Monday, May 7, 2007
Maybe . . .
I might be able to visit San Antonio this Friday. I hate to sound too definite since I always jinx myself, but it sounds like a good possibility. Get some Tex-Mex, visit the fam, maybe have coffee with H . . . Should be a good time, but too brief, as usual.
I might be able to finish the 100 Things About Me post I'm planning. I'm in the 80s now. I think I was planning to procrastinate on that a bit, but I realized I've been doing that for way too long. Some of the stuff I had earlier on the list wasn't even accurate anymore. So I'm gonna give it another go . . .
I might be able to work on some art soon. C bought me a craft armoire for my art and jewelry goodies, so I can have a place to work and a place to store (and lock up) my art supplies when I need E to stay out. I've been having creative ideas, too, lately, so I'd like to follow up on that. I know it sounds boring to post that I've been having ideas, but with the bipolar meds, that is really an accomplishment. A huge turning point, since the meds dull creative reflexes I've been honing for so many years. A part of me has been missing since therapy, and now I might be getting back the only part of the "old" me that I really missed. Good news for me . . .
I might . . .
Have some more stuff to write about later. I guess I have to get the E-man to bed. He didn't nap, and we had a shopping expedition with his piggy bank money today, so he's especially tired and fussy. So I guess it's night-night time. I'm pretty tired, too, since I spent a good hour vacuuming today. I'm pretty hard-core about the vacuum, too. I treat it like a workout, get my weight gloves on so I can vacuum without worrying about pain, and then I even dig through those nasty rollers with my bare hands to dig out the carpet fuzz and other creepies. It takes a while. But I have a clean house, too. So I guess the routine is worth it. Payoffs everywhere! :)
Well, take care, and come back again!
R
I might be able to finish the 100 Things About Me post I'm planning. I'm in the 80s now. I think I was planning to procrastinate on that a bit, but I realized I've been doing that for way too long. Some of the stuff I had earlier on the list wasn't even accurate anymore. So I'm gonna give it another go . . .
I might be able to work on some art soon. C bought me a craft armoire for my art and jewelry goodies, so I can have a place to work and a place to store (and lock up) my art supplies when I need E to stay out. I've been having creative ideas, too, lately, so I'd like to follow up on that. I know it sounds boring to post that I've been having ideas, but with the bipolar meds, that is really an accomplishment. A huge turning point, since the meds dull creative reflexes I've been honing for so many years. A part of me has been missing since therapy, and now I might be getting back the only part of the "old" me that I really missed. Good news for me . . .
I might . . .
Have some more stuff to write about later. I guess I have to get the E-man to bed. He didn't nap, and we had a shopping expedition with his piggy bank money today, so he's especially tired and fussy. So I guess it's night-night time. I'm pretty tired, too, since I spent a good hour vacuuming today. I'm pretty hard-core about the vacuum, too. I treat it like a workout, get my weight gloves on so I can vacuum without worrying about pain, and then I even dig through those nasty rollers with my bare hands to dig out the carpet fuzz and other creepies. It takes a while. But I have a clean house, too. So I guess the routine is worth it. Payoffs everywhere! :)
Well, take care, and come back again!
R
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