Antidote to computer withdrawal?

Anyone? Because I had the worst case of computer withdrawal this week!

This machine got some kind of virus that completely killed it, and left me computer-less. Then after re-formatting the drive, it came back! That took so much time and effort, just to get to that point, that I was utterly devastated. My husband, resident computer whiz, managed to do something that I couldn't do, and resuscitated the computer back to life, so now it's in the computer equivalent of physical therapy, learning to walk again.

Personally, I'd love to just throw this thing out the window! Well, maybe off the roof, since I have a single story house and there are bushes and shrubs outside . . . But you get the idea! For one thing, this machine became part of our family in 2003, and the software is now horribly out of date. I've spent most of my time downloading updates and re-installing software. I'm frustrated and fed up! Also, hubby got a new computer (for freelancing) and now I want one! Talk about computer envy, he got to purchase some new fancy top-of-the-line laptop. Now, of course, we can't afford mine. So I have to wait. And then I get a tiny budget once the purchase is finally allowed. I probably have a little bit of resentment about that. I mean, I know his computer is for work-related things, but this computer is for MY work, know what I mean? I do scheduling on here, print coupons, research in medical data and parenting, find recipes, support from other moms, locate meetings and groups I can join, and, most importantly to me, graphic design work. Like I said about the annoying banner at the top of the screen, it's been a big part of what I've been doing lately. I've put a LOT of myself into those designs, time and thought and anxiety . . . It may not look like much, but for me . . . Especially since my creative brain parts are effectively crippled by my medications. Tasks like this are increasingly difficult. And I've been artistic my entire life, so bringing those skills back has been a major focus of my energies in the last few months. And then I hope to see that other people like them, and purchase them, so I can make some kind of meager living at it. Try to tell myself that I could take care of E somehow if something ever happened to C.

I know, I ramble. I guess I should go, and try to get that nice, quiet, uninterrupted shower I've been daydreaming about. E is at the grandparents' house right now with C, so I should take advantage of that!

Take care,
R

Hello again . . .

Remember me? Probably not. It's been a long time. Looooooonnngggg time. I'm sure anyone who might have read my blog before has long since stopped reading this. Sorry. Really sorry. But at the same time, this thingie here just ceased to be a priority.

So what's been going on? Lots. I've met new people, been doing new things, been creating artwork again, trying to connect with my family, and going to therapy. There have been some stressful periods of late, mostly concerning possible career moves for my husband, but so far, none have panned out. Can't talk about it much on here, since he is uncomfortable with that. It's okay. No biggie.

I have successfully become a Weight Watchers lifetime member--that's good news! Very good news, in fact. It means I can attend meetings for free now, and that I've been maintaining my weight successfully now. I'm thinking it also means I should get a new tattoo, but they aren't normally FREE, so I will wait on that.

If you've noticed the annoying graphics here on this site, you'll also notice my work on Zazzle and Cafe Press. I hope anyone would appreciate the hours and hours and many sleepless nights put into these projects, lots of self-punishing pressure applied, and lots of stress . . . I've been working hard on these projects, and re-learning a lot about making artwork again. It's been like learning to walk again--the medications for depression and bipolar disorder really threw me for a loop when it came to creativity. I couldn't make art anymore. COULDN'T!! I didn't think it were possible, but put a pen in my hand and a blank sheet of paper in front of me, and I truly had no clue what to do. I could start to draw ANYWAY, and end up with . . . Well, either NOTHING or some shaky pointless scribbles that no one would be interested in seeing. It was frustrating, scary, confusing . . . And much more. It was not a good time for me. But I've been practicing making art again, and getting better at using my computer software, and getting better at seeing things creatively again. It's taken me a few solid months of work to get where I am now, so I hope it is understood why I haven't been here too often.

Also, I've been in therapy. This was an outlet at one point, now I don't seem to need it as much. And it felt for a while like I was getting no where with this, like no one cared what I wrote, that I couldn't make a difference. I guess I still feel that way a little bit, but that's not the ONLY reason for keeping this blog, so I hope to return more regularly. I will still be working hard on my artwork and there are transitions going on throughout the family that may distract me, but I will try.

I want to write a bit about what I've been up to, some of the people I've met and such, but I really need to get to bed. We are getting a bit tougher on the potty training thing--my son is almost four and not interested in even TRYING to use the potty--so we are going to have to try to be a bit tougher. I'm hoping it doesn't backfire on me. I mean, I've never done this whole potty training thing before! But what I've been doing hasn't been working, so it's time to switch tactics! Let's hope this works! I'd hate for him to go to his birthday celebration in diapers or training pants, but it's looking that way so far! I have just over a month to try.

Okay, time to try the sleep thing again. I've had so much on my mind, and my tummy isn't happy. It might be a kind of PMS, or my IBS acting up. Not sure. I just feel crampy. But, I digress.

'Night.
R

Good Meeting

If you know anything about bipolar disorder or depression, you might know that the medications needed to balance out brain chemistry in this way also cause weight gain. So, I also have difficulty losing weight, even if I do everything right.

This was the case last night at my Weight Watchers meeting. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose. I know I did everything right, increased my activity, ate right, counted my points . . . But there was no change in my weight. It's very frustrating, and it's a place I've been far too many times in the past. I know that probably the only thing I did wrong was to expect something. In spite of that dissappointing news, I had a good meeting. The group leader talked to a few people who had experience weight gains while following the program conscientiously, as well as some people who had faced weight loss plateaus before. A few people had gone through what I went through, very similarly, although I'm not sure they faced plateaus at only week 3. But there were other people with thyroid problems and a lady who just found out she had diabetes. They all said going to the meetings will help, and I'm hoping that will be the case for me. It's the one thing I haven't tried, having help with my weight loss. I've always gone alone, done the diet thing by myself, and always given up. It's hard to stay motivated when you see no results. I'm still worried about it, but as one of the women put it last night, "If you give up, you know nothing good will happen." So, I'm sticking with it.

I've been feeling light-headed and dizzy lately, too. I'm not sure what's going on there. I don't trust myself driving. I hope it's nothing serious. Since the doctor thought my ovarian cyst was not the cause of my abdominal pain, I'm not sure what the problem really is, and that makes me nervous. I may be scheduling an earlier appointment to see my general practitioner than I had originally planned. Such is my life now, doctor to doctor to doctor trying to keep everything in balance and order. It's hard knowing that without modern medicine, I doubt that I would even be ALIVE. I feel weak sometimes, although I know it's through no fault of my own that my body has these malfunctions.

Anyway, that's enough self-pity for one day. Time to play with my son and have a belated breakfast. My thyroid hormones prohibit me from having breakfast at a normal time some days, especially if I take them later than planned. So if I want dairy, I have to wait 2 or 3 hours after taking the pills to eat.

Guess I'll write more later, as soon as I get a chance. I mean to post some pictures on here, too, but I just haven't decided what to do here yet. It's like a second chance to get this blog the way I want it to be, so I want to take advantage of it.

Take care, folks, and I'll blog ya later.

R