OK to Blog?

Using the term "blog" as a verb here . . .

So when is it okay to blog about your life when it involves someone else? That's the question on my mind at the moment. There seems to be a line that must be invisible, because I swear I can't see it sometimes.

For example, I'm sure it's okay to blog about my grandmother, if she falls down and breaks her wrist, as she actually did last week. It's one of those things that happens, maybe that person is upset but not embarrassed about it, and it is an event or happening that is on my mind. I worry about her, worry how her surgery went, how she'll heal, how she's handling the anxiety afterward. It doesn't seem to be something in the "gray" area, although I'm sure if I really thought about it, there would be some reasons not to mention it.

What if I'm worried about someone? What if those worries keep me up at night, make me feel depressed and helpless, but involve things that other person may not want to make public? Even if I don't say who it is I'm worried about, that person might feel uncomfortable or even feel betrayed that I discussed them on the internet. I'm guessing that situation is just one I have to bear, since that really isn't fair to someone to discuss their personal business, even if it's an all-consuming anxiety-fest for me.

But here's what I see is a gray area I'm not to clear about. What if, for example, I've done something that affects someone else, but the other person might be embarrassed? What if they've done something to me, but wouldn't want it discussed? What if something someone else does affects my own life, but is really their own business? When are those topics mine to discuss, or off-limits?

I can use the example of my son. I know this is a motherhood blog, in part, and there will be times when I blog about him. But I know I have to protect his privacy as well as his safety, as a parent, and to think about his future. My own mother never had to worry about the details of my life floating about in cyberspace to come back and haunt me in my adulthood. But this is a new century and a new era of technology and communication. How can I bond a public life with a private one? How am I supposed to know when it's acceptable to discuss potty training, for example, a subject that might help other moms out there who might be reading this, and when it's really something I ought to keep to myself? Would my son want me to write about this? Probably not. Should I? Could I? Would I? I don't know. If it might help someone else, maybe it should be all right. But am I wrong?

Of course, my therapist has a way of putting things that simplifies my life to a nutshell at times. Bookended by numerous "qualifying" statements, he said, "You tend to think too much." I think he's right, no pun intended! Then I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out when it's okay to think to much, and when it's not . . .

R

Why can't I be positive?

Not positive as in "you're pregnancy test is positive," but positive in that I am a very negative person. I try not to be, try to look for the good in life and in myself, but it's hard.

I realized today that I have been teaching myself to dislike who I am for years and years, and it's hard to un-learn something that powerful. How many times I tried to hide in plain sight from the kids in school who tormented me as they kicked me, surrounded me and grabbed my privates, as they drew on my clothes, spat on me, threw large wads of paper at my head, slammed me into walls as they passed, stole things from me, laughed at my voice, my walk, my parents income, my clothes . . . Everything. I thought if I could make myself as invisible as possible, they wouldn't notice me enough to tease me. I hated public speaking, and I still have yet to be comfortable with it. I hate brightly-colored clothing--it singles me out. And being fat only made me feel worse, but I felt powerless to do anything about it.

I had medical conditions and medications that made weight loss difficult, and I think I told myself that with those barriers, I just couldn't lose weight, so I might as well give up. Or not try. Eh, the lies I told myself to feel better about eating and get over the guilt. But I'm only a few pounds from my goal weight now, and I have to start believing that I'm not a fat person. I think I still am, in my mind. Changing those things about myself that I have believed for so long may be the toughest things I've had to face, even tougher than therapy for depression had been.

I think I thought that therapy did all the work for you. Once I got over the stigma of seeing a therapist--the dreaded therapist of flaky Hollywood stars and weird tin-foil wearing hoarders of cats--I could focus on the recovery. It was all me, much to my dismay. I had to do the work, I had to change, I had to keep on track. Why I thought the therapist would do all the work is beyond me now, but that's what I thought at the time. It was hard to get through, but it's the labor of change that heals. Without it, you don't become stronger, and you don't learn how to keep yourself strong in the future.

I'm sold on Weight Watchers and on therapy. I highly recommend them both, by the way. Anything that can help and expedite a recovery or benefit, I am all for it. Why wait? Why suffer? Why wait for your situation to change, when it may not? Just find a way to heal and stick with it. I wasted too much of my life as it is, hoping I wouldn't have to go to Weight Watchers or to therapy, but the whole time I did, I was still unhealthy. I might have been able to do it on my own, but it would have taken much longer. And the help is there, and I learned a lot more in a short time than I could have learned over years and years of struggling on my own. And I still did it myself--all the work was mine--I earned it. But I had coursework to back it up. Don't underestimate it, or yourself. Therapy rocks. And so does Weight Watchers. And the things I have learned apply to when I'm not on a program or in therapy, so I can continue the benefit. You can't top that, in my opinion.

Anyone else see the Spurs win? Was that not cool? I am so happy for them, my hometown team. Underdogs, still, after all of these years, but a great team with lots of great players. Someone can always pick up the slack. Still, I'm sorry for Avery Johnson and the Mavericks. I was hoping they would do better. The next game is tonight, but it might be the last. I think they may have been over-confident after such a great season, and they weren't prepared for the ferocity of the playoffs. It's a real shame, since I know they are a great team. And Avery is such a nice guy, San Antonio still has a soft spot in their hearts for him. Good luck to them tonight, but good luck to the Spurs, too, next series.

Well, enough rambling. I will probably post some more lists, soon. Mostly because I'm trying to avoid the "100 Things About Me" list I was working on, since I don't know if I can find 100 things. Oh, well. So I'll spread it out! And I can talk about my pets, too, something 100 things about me wouldn't cover. So, read on, if you're interested. :)

Thanks for visiting, and till next time, blog ya later.

R